John Oliver Dives Into Trump’s Pet Project: A ‘Giant Duck Death Trap’

“It’s been plagued by enormous pools of algae, large chunks of blue sealants have been peeling off, and just this week, a trio of dead ducks were discovered there, prompting a spokesperson for the Center for Biological Diversity to say Trump was wasting taxpayer money turning the reflecting pool into a giant duck death trap, which is clearly awful. Ducks shouldn’t have to worry about getting murdered by the reflecting pool; they should be worried about getting shot by a hunter, getting eaten by a predator or getting teased by me for having a corkscrew-shaped penis.” — JOHN OLIVER

“But you know the problem is, now, there are dead ducks in the pool, or possibly murdered by Antifa.” — BILL MAHER

“I don’t know, but you know the pool. It is dragging down the president’s approval ratings. It’s like a little in the low 30s now in the country and among independents, 25 percent, and 0 percent with ducks.” — BILL MAHER

“Look, when people say, ‘Doesn’t Donald Trump make your job as a comedian easier?’ This is why the answer is actually no, because how can I make that funnier than it already is? He gave the pool job to a Trump crony whose company is literally called ‘Greenwater’ and who looks like he manages the undertaker.” — JOHN OLIVER

“It is striking that, even as this country celebrates turning 250, its capital city is dealing with a literal swamp of corruption, there are dead ducks in the Lincoln Reflecting Pool, and people are kicking each other in the face on the White House lawn. The symbolism here is pretty hard to miss.” — JOHN OLIVER

“I love America, but I’ve got to admit we’re the only place you could make a pool improve by pissing in it.” — BILL MAHER

“After the Iranians broke the truce, the U.S. wanted to hit an Iranian missile site with a giant bomb, but all they could find was the movie ‘Supergirl.’” — GREG GUTFELD

“In all fairness, the story was pretty weak. In the movie, Supergirl spends the entire first hour waiting in line to see ‘Toy Story 5.’” — GREG GUTFELD

“Another superhero movie opened this week. But what’s going on in Washington? ‘Deadpool.’” — BILL MAHER