Jul 12, 2023; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Mike Tyson arrives on the red carpet before the 2023 ESPYS at the Dolby Theatre. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports Halloween costumes come in every shape and size.
So do professional athletes.
Sometimes, it’s hard to distinguish between the two.
On the gloomy side of sports history, there’s been guys who went after opponents’ shins with sharpened spikes, heads with 200-pound helmet-first projectiles, and just about everything in between.
Some were so scary, they went by monikers like Hitman, Grim Reaper and Galloping Ghost. Killer, Big Hurt and Kid Dynamite.
There was a Gravedigger, an Intimidator and an Assassin. An Undertaker, Monster and Great White Shark. Heck, one guy embraced being labeled He Hate Me so much, he put it on his back.
So did Gore. He didn’t have a choice.
Distinguishing “The Three Scariest Athletes of All-Time” is like picking the best costume on Halloween.
There’s old-school, middle management, and principal’s pals. All trying to be a holiday Man From Mars, but not bold enough to shave their head and bend their nose.
With apologies to the Hanson brothers, the Fearsome Foursome and everyone simply called Mean, here’s one of each: The three athletes—past and present—you’d most want to smack with your light saber if he/she offered you an autograph instead of an Airhead…
Mike Tyson
After his bout against Roy Jones Jr., Mike Tyson let the world in on his pre-competition training regimen. source: Getty Images The heavyweight champion of hideousness. He was so ugly… He even bit off a guy’s ear and was still the third-best-looking guy in the ring.
Tyson was from the “staredown” era of sports. Every quarterback had to look Dick Butkus straight in the eye. Batters buckled when Dave Stewart pulled down the brim of his cap. Nobody dared roll down their window and tell Dale Earnhardt to use his turn signal.
But Tyson was the most petrifying of them all. A pitbull to your pug. “Iron Mike,” he was called. Iron wishes it were that powerful.
Jack Tatum
The Raiders had guys named Dr. Death, Whiskey Man, The Molester, Mad Stork, Hit Man and the aforementioned Man from Mars. All led by a man known as Satin in Silver and Black, a Lord of Darkness to his closest friends.
But there was only one Assassin. The posterboy for targeting before Target started selling hydration supplements in squirting water bottles.
Tatum famously hit Frenchy Fuqua so hard when breaking up a Terry Bradshaw pass in the 1972 playoffs, the ball flew farther than the average Stephen Curry jumper. The Immaculate Reception was born when Franco Harris tracked down the disfigured football; a legend was born when Tatum said he’d do it all over again.
It’s what Assassins do.
Tonya Harding
Tonya Harding. Image source: Getty Images The path of destruction in women’s sports can be traced back to Joanie Weston, the Blonde Amazon of the roller rink. The bumper-car tradition lives on through pretty much everyone who guards Caitlin Clark.
But in between there were two particularly ferocious females: One who hit above the belt (Ronda Rousey) and one that didn’t.
The latter, of course, was Tonya Harding, who responded to her fourth-place finish at the 1992 Winter Olympics by taking a triple axel to the competition in order to earn a spot in the 1994 Games. OK, so she didn’t actually touch poor Nancy Kerrigan.
And that’s what makes Tonya terrifying. She knows people.
