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Middle Man Marco

Secretary of State Marco Rubio visited the Vatican on Thursday, where he hoped to smooth tensions between Pope Leo and President Trump.

On “The Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon said that Rubio is “in a tough spot, because he’s a devout Catholic, but Trump is his boss.”

“So, they’re basically putting him in the middle and seeing which parent he goes to. It’s, like, ‘Come on — come on, little Marco. Come to — come to Daddy.” — JIMMY FALLON

“He’s handing out whiskey bottles. By the way, how pissed must Pete Hegseth be right now? ‘They made me give up drinking!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Patel has reportedly ordered more than two dozen members of his security detail and staff to take a polygraph and is said to be in panic mode to save his job. Sounds to me like somebody could use a drink.” — JIMMY KIMMEL